Sunday, August 28, 2005

Corporate Agony Uncles & Aunts.

The first piece of advice I got from those immediately above me, in my first year in the corporate world: -
‘Things are a lot more unfair than you think they are.
If you cannot close your eyes at least don’t open your mouth’.

Second piece of advice: -
‘Nobody is a friend. Don’t trust anyone’.

Third piece of advice: -
‘Whereever you go, you will find delicate egos at the top management level.
Don’t try to show them right from wrong’.

My thought on this? I am not listening.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Just this morning.

Ok, its another of those days when I am feeling lost. There is so much happening around me & I am still to react to them. Guess I am numb. Am laughing, talking, understanding etc basically I am questioning. Finished work at 3 in the morning & left for a colleague’s wedding. It was at 3.15 in the morning. So left with 4 friends in one of their car. All the 3 boys are total fun; the other girl with me is the quiet type. Now, please don’t wonder what type I am. It is a task to classify me; I am unpredictable to myself too, so don’t bother to bracket me. So, we left. This boy sitting with me wanted to hear “Dus bahaney karkey ley gayee dil”. The car jockey in the front seat tried his best to get to the song, but in vain. So all the way the topic of discussion was as to how sophisticated gadgetry can be confusing & utterly useless unless they start taking classes on how to use the consumer product sold & even conduct exams to make sure that the consumer has got the point. We almost banged into a circle, took bad bumpy roads, laughed, bitched, shouted. Basically bonded. And then suddenly I felt empty.
Anyway, we found the venue after taking 2 wrong lanes & then brightly walked into the right hall (after contemplating over which was the right one). People were bugged with me because I was in my jeans. Now, let me admit I am spaced out, so I forgot that I had to go for a wedding.
The bride looked all pretty. Am so happy for her. She is a real nice girl. Just hope she is happy. She should be. She does not question. Sitting around wondering if we will get to eat something. We are famished. Few others from work join us. When the marriage is done, we quickly go & wish her & run out. Most of us were feeling out of place there. I always feel out of place at weddings. Am not anti-social, but have felt the same since my childhood. Walked down, did not want to go home, so 10 of us decided to go to Paradise circle to have ‘bread omelet ‘ on a ‘bandi’. There is nowhere else to go at 4.30 in the morning. Then our Mr.Bouncer comes into action. Few calls here & there & he locates my Boss(ex now,yesterday was his last day) & another senior somewhere 10 km away. We pack into the car & go and join them.
Major awkward time this is. He has avoided me like plague since the day I joined. Don’t ask me why cos I think I know exactly why. Anyway, we get into this shabby place called ‘Diamond’. Major small talk happens & then we warn up enough to have fun. After a decent breakfast & lots of laughter I come to think that he’s ‘quite ok’. Anyway, too late (for him). Breakfast done, we get down, its early morning, drizzling, beautiful. They are standing on the pavement, smoking. We were small talking again & then I was noticing his cigarette. Everytime he moved his hand to the side to dust off the ash I would see this old man sitting there, looking needy, looking like he never had any shelter for days. I feel guilty for the breakfast I had & for the life I have, I wonder when I would have enough money or power to help him & many like him. Nothing else seems more meaningful. I feel empty again.
Parting time, byes said, my ex boss decides to drop me home as its on the way to his home. I so don’t want to go with him as I just don’t know what to talk. Anyway, we get into his new car & then we hit the road. Suddenly I’m feeling good. I like the car. Its drizzling, beautiful morning, been driven, nice music. I don’t want to talk, just drive. For the first time I’m thinking, I want a car like this. I thought I was a minimalist, but then I got to know I’m human. (stressing on the frailties,not the strengths). Suddenly, there’s no image of the old man, or of what I was thinking 15 min ago. Am thinking of when I would be able to afford the car. That’s when a friends line hit me. He says “Us humans are not designed to know how or why even”. He is the one who suggested the name of my blog spot. Guess he knew I would relate to it.Am feeling empty again.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Another Filmi Song!

Popular music is indeed popular.
Whenever I hear this song:
Thoda saa pyaar hua hai,
Thoda hai baaki;
Hum too dil dey hi chukeey,
Bas tereey haan hai baaki......'
I laugh & think that if he could sing,he would sing this song.Right Pa?
Heights of positivism:-)

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Whats with the run?

Everyone is running & proclaiming 'I am the CFO,CEO,COO,the downhill tumble & roll champ, king of toad fingers, caption of high altitude tree branch Vista club, second place finisher in the ‘ Round the yard backward dash, Premier Burper State Division, Sodbuster & worm scout First Order & General of Mud & Mayhem Society, CFO,CEO,COO……. All sound high funda,hehe. Ok,found a nice story,read.

A group of working adults got together to visit their University lecturer.
The lecturer was happy to see them. Conversation soon turned into
complaints about stress in work and life.

The Lecturer just smiled and went to the kitchen to get an assortment of
cups - some porcelain, some in plastic, some in glass, some plain looking
and some looked rather expensive and exquisite.

The Lecturer offered his former students the cups to get drinks for

When all the students had a cup in hand with water, the Lecturer spoke:
"If you noticed, all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up,
leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal that you only
want the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and
stress. What all you wanted was water, not the cup, but we unconsciously
went for the better cups."
"Just like in life, if Life is Water,
then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups.
      They are just tools to hold/maintain Life,
      but the quality of Life doesn't change."

"If we only concentrate on the cup,
we won't have time to enjoy/taste the water in it."

-Mother Teresa

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

The Virtual Community: I Relate,I Relate,I Relate,Aha!

Have been reading this,real interesting. Wish someone was reading it with me so that we could discuss it.
Read,read read.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Let me start with Me!

Everyday brings more clarity with it & it brings with it the fog of memories. There are times when I feel so strong that I feel I can lead the world to a new beginning. Then there times when I feel so weak & insignificant that I totally want to believe in fate & life's plans for me & for the rest of the world.
I am not a person of rigid beliefs. I guess I should start by talking about myself because I believe that a viewpoint is literally a 'view point'. It comes from where you are at that time in life & the baggage you have collected over the years you have lived. I had a course in college where there were discussions about should a writer or a documentary film maker be 'a fly on the wall' or should they let the reader/viewer know where they stand in life in order to gift transparency to the colors in the words/frames. I think I owe it to my readers though most of them would be the ones I have known. I grew up without any rigid beliefs, open to all thoughts, absorbing as much as I could, thinking that slowly but surely one day I would make sense of the world around me. I guess my need to write comes from my need to make sense of my surroundings & the events occurring around me, affecting me, moving me, shaking me, breaking me, making me. I would like to believe that I am not prejudiced & come without any pre-conceived notions, with a constant need to think & evolve.
In the process of growing up I have had strong opinions about the education system, the law, religion, society, media, jobs, etc. I almost gave up my education as I felt that it was a total sham though I always went to the best of the institutes. But then some how managed to go to the university. I always questioned a lot, wondering why most of us do things the way we do them. Then I realized that most of us give up asking & fall into the pattern since it is easier to follow than to find your own way.
I have been asked to write by close friends. They have been asking me to do this for a long time. But then I thought I did not have anything to write about and that I had no right to write about things that I did not know much about. But off late I have come to realize that as you discuss, put your thought into words, then slowly, but surely, you do find a flow & then a pattern & then a solution (or at least a realization), or so I hope.I have no plans for this blog. It’s going to function as a personal diary & an open forum for interesting discussions. Let’s see where it goes.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

What do I write about nothing?

topics of discussion are invited.