Sunil's Shaayari!

ab ke ham bichade to shayad kabhi khawabon mein mile,

jis tarah suukhe hue phuul kitaabon mein mile

ab na woh main hu, na tu hai na woh maazii hai `Faraaz',

jaise do shakhs tamannaa ke saraabon main mile...

Pari ya Parinda - Mubaarak ho tumhe!

This was a comment on my last post.Been ages since i have touched the blog.So much has happened, so much that I could do without. So much that I would have really enjoyed, had not a few incidents over shadowed life. And OHHHHH, by the way, figured out the last post.Pari naheen sunil, regular parinda hi hai.Will try and write more.

Touched by an Angel!

I have met my angel.Feel blessed at times , monitored at times, neglected at times. Am learning to handle this new experience. Will write more when I understand this experience. Or maybe never.

Serendipity!

Fortunate accident!

Hmmm

Somewhere in December was having this real deep conversation with my neighbor.They are a real nice couple.I was irritated, frustrated and all the rated stuff and I guess it was showing.Aunty asked me, "you think a lot , don't you?", I just smiled.Uncle then said "remember one thing, you are not a failure, it is the system that has failed you". I was so overwelmed that I felt pukish.Had to excuse myself and run home to vomit.Guess I felt better after that.Would love to continue the conversation with him.

What am I looking for.

This is a piece a friend wrote way back in 2002.I guess we are still lookin for this and don't want to accept reality.Check it out.

'm looking for a wallet I lost long back,
for intelligence that I lack,
I'm looking for world peace
(but we know it wouldn't come that ease!).
I'm looking for 'worm holes' to travel through time
And a find an easy way to reduce the crime,
I'd want to know whether God exists,
They don’t answer, but I'll persist.
Am looking for a way to blend
Spiritualism, Communism and Capitalism,
But what I found in the end,
Sounded much like Existentialism.
I'm looking for a nuke that kills
Not the one but the one who uses,
Let's get rid of this socio-religio-political mess,
But before anyone else, let's start with the US!
I'm looking for ways to become Siperman,
If not Superman, Batman or even He-Man,
Or maybe I should look for Aladdin's Lamp,
But with these powercuts, maybe I can only use it as a
lamp!
My brain cells are slowly turning to a sQuantum soup,
If I don't stop here, I'm afraid you'll puke!

So, what I'm looking for? Well, nothing much...
Maybe everything, maybe nothing,
Just can't put it as such-and-such.
Why not meet and get surprised,
If you knew everything at the outset,
What would be left to be desired???

I'm a kid who loves to scream,
A man who loves to dream,
I'm a bird who wants to fly,
Am a wet cat who needs to dry.
OK, OK, let me say it,
what I'm looking for is not a myth,
but just a good friend to be bed with!

There I said it, I'm done,
Why not you take my baton and start the run?
“I listen to his silent footsteps. He comes… he comes…
ever he comes…”
Cheers to Tagore!

Current Team Snaps!

Spent a lifetime preparing for a lifetime.

I was at Seleena's place in Bangalore where we were talking about the turns in my life & trying to analyse the why's & the what now's when I got a phone call which ran real long. She switched on the TV & stumbled onto this movie called Little Black Book on HBO.After the call I came & sat down to watch the movie with her. Thats when the main character started talking my mind. Both Seleena and me looked at each other & we were like " how come we never stumbled on this movie ever before & it had to happen today"?
Like a line which says :-

Question :how does a girl who falls, no actually jumps eyes wide open, down a rabbit hole, plummeting into chaos come out unchanged?
Answer: she doesn't.
OR
There are moments in life when you hope your decisions weren't rash. And moments where you just know.
OR
You've gotta prepare for the life you want.
OR
Knowledge is a terrible and a marvelous thing
OR
I needed a reality check.The line between right and wrong had blurred.In my search for truth,I had become the lie.

I hope you Dance!!!!!!!!

Thanks to Roy( the guy with the guitar who commented on my last post, see Roy,is this not more than charan ki dhool????hehe) I have got hooked to www.pandora.com. Have listened to so much music and stuff that I never gt to hear otherwise. But the last thing I wanted to listen to is

hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty hande

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance, I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances, but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance (time is a wheel in constant motion always)

Its like my Mom talking to me. Got all emotional. But this is sooo nice. Am plugged to my system now. Too many things happening in my life, all at the same time. Hope I get better and get over.You know what they say,forgive & forget,re-live and regret.

Smart Rude One Liners!

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13 I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14 I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32 A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34 Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done

Been deceived & looking for Sky Blue.

Was reading Madhavan's Blog http://o3.indiatimes.com where I got reading one of his friends comments. I was laughing while reading it. I thought it made good reading. Check it out.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

Neil Gaiman quotes (English born American Author of the The Sandman, b.1960)


Another stream of thought!!!!


"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-color type.. I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no - I want magenta!""

Why would anyone read my blah? Ok,here's somemore.

Guess what, I am back to hearing songs from Alley McBeal. It heals. I had completely forgotten about this cd. Now Alley is someone i related to. When i saw a few series,I bonded with her. SO much like me, so much like many of us. Its just that my story is real close to hers. Bouncer pointed out that my life is not like her's cos i dont get laid like her.Huh! Now those are cultural differences. We bond anyways BOUNCER.

I've been down this road,walk'in the line,
thats painted by pride
And i have made mistakes in my life
that i just can't hide

oh i belive i am ready for what love has to bring
got myself together,now I'm ready to sing
I've been search'in my soul tonight,
I know there's so much more to life,
now i know i can shine a light,
to find my way back home.

one by one the chains around me unwind,
every day now i feel that i can leave those years behind,
ohhh i've been thinking of u for long time,
there's a side of my life where i've been blind and so..

Baby i've been holding back now my whole life,
I've decided to move on now,
gonna leave all the worries behind.
I belive i am ready for love has a gift,
Got myself together,and now i'm ready to live..................!!!!!!!

Shall make this my anthem.Yesterday was nice. Spoke for so long with anki,raj,raj roopa,bouncer,zak,smita blah blah blah,till my phone battery died on me.I just could not pretend to be busy. So went out into the lobby & yapped away. Then in the evening went back to my floor after 3 weeks.Feel so much at home there.The Business office is not such a warm place,or maybe I hardly know them,so..... Had so many people coming and talking to me,telling me how much i am missed. Its so sweet of them.Now I did not know we were having a team dinner.Anyways,called mom & told her i'll be late. Went out to this 'chinise,malaysian,thai' restaurant'.Decent. I think my stomach is becoming delicate.Its still burning.Lots of chatter & noise & fun.Miss them all sooooo much.Came back home with a badddddd cold. I was waiting for it since 3 days. Could feel the temprature,headache,eyes watering.It better leave me soon.

Small World

For all those who read my last post, Sunil SMS'd today. He writes"Well,very surprised to see your mail. Even more surprising is that I am on your mind! Jo khayaloon mein na rahe, unko kya yaad karu? Aap to hamare dil mein hain, yaad kyon karu! Sunil Bhadri.
***grin***
Shall call him tomorrow :-) I could do with some shayari & sulking in poetic style.

Sunil the Shayar.

I don't know why, but he is on my mind since the past few days, especially after I heard about CVS's death. CVS was our professor in Mass Comm. I did not know him much, but he was interesting. Thats for sure. We all will surely remember him for his animated talks full of life and enthusiasm. He took our film appreciation classes, a major Amitabh fan, he was full of stories. I ofcourse had an attitude at that time & thought that learning to appreciate films was such a waste of time & a no purpose thingy. I was in search of a purpose. Sadly, I still am. But there were many who really enjoyed this man's company. Since I was always at such a distance from him he never would ask me for my submissions & I would do him a favour by submitting something for his class. But man, do I suddenly regret not knowing him.

This brings me to Sunil. The shayar of our class. A real deep thinker, critique to the core. He was in love with hindustani classical & sher-o-shayari. I remember rushing to the library to find material to submit some last minute assignment where i would find this guy in rubber slippers,chewing gutka & busy reading something with his walkman on. On my first day to the uni, when I bumped into him, I was like "godddddddddddddd" do I have to study with these kind of people. I suddenly regretted being in a prized group of 18 students in a reputed course of one of the top 5 Universities in India.But when the ice was broken, this was the same guy who I gelled with. I remember sharing his earphone and suddenly realising how beautiful Classical music can be. Till then I was fed on total bollywood songs(thanks to my dad I knew a bit of Ghazals & sher-o-shayari,my dad used to conduct sham -e-ghazals to encourage budding poets & to fuel reputed ones,but by the time I grew up my dad lost complete interest in everything,so did not learn to appreciate or understand it much). Total Sindhi girl,no taste for art.But with Sunil, I went back to appreciate shers.

We used to keep exchanging shers. I used to deliberately make an attempt to listen to them, so that our conversation is interesting. He used to call me the Harrapan dancing girl.Not because I danced, but because I used to stand like her.(for those who dont know,with hands on the hips). Now I tried to consciously not stand like that,but he would more or less catch me off guard standing like that. I can go on and on.I dont know why I am thinking of him. So if any of you guys know where he is, please ask him to get in touch. The last I heard of him was in 2004 when he wrote in that he was filming with ShriPrakash Sir on some heady stuff.I SMS'd him too. He says,he has no idea about his where abouts. So guys,please.And Suinl,in case you read i do remember "tum aa gayeey ho, Noor aa gaya hai,naheen to chiraagoon sey lau ja rahee thee"

pic

Thats me now.See,thats what she talks about. Heavy dark circles, unkept hair, no real style clothing and no taking care of oneself. But she still loves me;-).
She's got new ways of describing me now.'complicated' 'retarded' 'dreamer' 'split-personality.....' to name a few.To the extreme left is my dad, the one in glasses is my mom,next is a cousin who came visiting from abroad with her aunt next to her & her aunts daughter.Then me.

Mom's Fav

Thats my mom's all time favourite snap of mine. She goes "See, till u were in my hands you were so beautiful, I kept you so well, you were my princess. And look at you now. Total junglee,ungroomed,untidy,blah blah blah.....". But I am still her princess. I still cannot do without her good morning kisses. I have a total Mother Fixation. hehe. As a kid I never used to like my mother talking to other kids. I wanted her all for myself. I used to insist that where ever she is, when I come back from from school on Saturday, I should find her home or I would sulk endlessly. She's the best thing the creator gave me. This one time God, I am greatful to you. Thank you.